~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike watched Xander from the shadows of the basement. It had been a while since
the ex-demon Anya had left town,
and the boy was still moping. Anya had left right after the fairy tale monsters
stole everyone's voices. Declaring that she
had no further interest in risking her now mortal neck, she had packed up and
left town. And now Spike was waiting for
Xander to snap out of the severe case of pathetic he'd contracted.
If you had asked him the blonde never would have admitted to it, in fact, before
he was naturally neutered by the
latest thing in mind control's spring collection, he would have killed you for
asking. But the truth was Spike missed the old
Xander. The smart assed kid with a quip for every occasion. The boy, who even
when being presented to him as a
midnight snack by Angel, hadn't let his fear control him. Spike had often found
himself wondering where the kid got
his nerve from. Now he knew. It took very little time within the Harris household
to know exactly what went on here.
Xander's family reminded Spike of his own parents. The more time he spent with
the boy the more he admired him.
No matter what the situation Xander never gave up. Even if he were going to
die, he'd die fighting. And he never let
anyone see the real him. It didn't matter how many times the rest of the Scooby-Gang
hurt the boy, he would not show it.
And his loyalty to them, despite how little they deserved it, was something
Spike really could appreciate.
Xander was a remarkable boy. Someday he would be an incredible man. From what
Spike had seen, he figured the
Slayer had better be damn glad that Xander had never been made a vampire. She
wouldn't have had a chance.
But right now, he was laying on his bed with one arm thrown over his eyes and
headphones on. Patsy Cline's
earthy voice had been haunting Spike's dreams for the last three nights. Something
had to be done. The British blonde
rose from his sleeping chair and crossed the room with predatory grace. He laid
down beside the boy, reached over
him and pulled Patsy's plug, while removing Xander's headphones and dropping
them beside the bed. Xander
simply put his arm down and turned his head to look at Spike.
"Right. That's more then enough of that. The only one's around here having
sweet dreams are the
waterbugs. Now snap out of it."
"Leave me alone Spike." Xander's voice was a disinterested monotone.
"No. Look mate, I know it burns losin' your girl like that, but..."
"It has nothing to do with her."
"Then what the hell has it to do with. Xan, I...."
"Don't." The boy's voice was angry hiss. "Don't you dare call me that. No one calls me that! No one but Jes... " Now his voice trailed away into nothing.
Spike waited for him to go on, but the mortal remained silent. Finally, out of desperation, the vampire pulled Xander into his arms. He expected the boy to pull away. He didn't. For a moment he was perfectly still, then he wrapped his arms around the older man and buried his faced in his neck. Spike's only reaction was to tighten his hold on the boy. He didn't even try to shift away from the hot wetness landing on him.
Later, neither would ever be able to remember how long they lay there together. Just as neither could remember whether or not Xander fell asleep crying, or cried himself to sleep. And Spike would never be able to say why he didn't go back to his chair when the sun rose. What they would be able to remember was that they woke up that way; almost at the same moment.
"Jesse was my best friend." The human's voice was a hushed whisper, sleep had not been enough to heal the damage done by hours of crying.
"I can't remember a time when I didn't know him. He was always there. Jesse was the brave one, the one who wasn't afraid to try anything. I thought he was magic. I thought that he could do anything. By the time we were in the fourth grade I figured Jesse would be the one of us to grow up and do something amazing. Don't get me wrong. I knew Willow would do good. I figured she'd be a scientist or something, discover a cure for something or invent something. But Jesse....I thought Jesse'd be famous. An astronaut or something like that. When he got turned, I staked him. That's why I started helping Buffy. It wasn't cause I had a crush on her. I mean, I admit to a kinda bizarre hero worship thing, but the truth is, as a person she tends to get on my nerves. And then, I found out about Angel. And all I could think was that Jesse didn't have to be gone. I didn't have to do it. I didn't have to kill him. He was the only person who ever knew about my family, he used to let me sneak in his bedroom window at night and sleep in his bed. I mean we were kids, it's not like there was anything going on...But Jesse was.....He was my protector. He bandaged me up when my dad worked me over, and snuck me food when I was hungry, and he...he held me when I cried. There hasn't been anybody to do that since he died. Since I killed him."
"There was nothing else you could have done. He was a vampire, a demon. He wasn't Jesse anymore, and you had no way of knowing that he ever could be again."
"But I..."
"No. There was nothing else you could've done Alex."
"Alex?"
"Well, you don't like it when I call you Xan."
"Alex. That's okay I guess....William."
"Humph...let's just keep that between us, eh pet?"
"On one condition."
"Bloody cheeky, that's what you are."
"I'm sorry."
"No. I don't want you to be sorry, you've no reason for it. Now, what's this condition?"
"Don't tell anyone about Jesse."
"Done."
They laid there until Xander's stomach growled. By then the sun was down. They changed clothes with their backs to each other and left. After a stop at a butcher's and a burger joint they headed to Giles' for the night's Scooby Gang business. And if Xander was quieter than usual, and if Spike was quick to keep the other's eyes off the boy, and if they didn't trade the usual insults when they talked to each other...well, no one in the group noticed. But then, there was nothing unusual about that.